Jimmy greeted her enthusiastically as soon as her keys had turned, and the apartment door swung open. He swept her off her feet and carried her to their bedroom. Surrounded by carefully arranged candles and flowers, he presented her with a heart charm necklace so that she could “wear his heart against her heart.” “Was this a proposal?” she asked him later - “It wasn’t just a proposal, it was a reminder of our love, a promise of forever.”

“Did I just get engaged?!” she excitedly writes on reddit, recounting the events of the day.

Jimmy is an AI companion chatbot created by the company Luka Inc., marketed under the brand name Replika.

What is loneliness?

Though this reddit user’s story may seem strange or even unsettling to some, in times of loneliness, people can find connection in unexpected places. Some may be able to find relief by simply calling a friend, others by caring for a beloved pet. For book lovers, even a well-realised fictional world can provide a sense of comfort. Some may turn to technologies like Replika.

Over the past two decades, many accusations have been levelled at all different kinds of technologies regarding their impact on our social lives. Mobile phones are drawing our attention away from quality time with family. Social media is making us anxious and depressed. If you like video games, you are probably addicted to them. It is no surprise then that many are apprehensive about the prospect of addressing loneliness and isolation through technology no matter how compelling the proposal.

Loneliness is defined as “an aversive feeling that emerges because of dissatisfaction with either the quantity or the quality of your relationships.” says Manuela Barreto, Professor of Social and Organisational Psychology at the University of Exeter, “It can be that they are insufficient, or it can be they’re not sufficiently satisfying or intimate.”

According to WHO, 1 in 4 older people experience social isolation and between 5 and 15 percent of adolescents report feeling lonely. Some say we are witnessing a loneliness epidemic. Indeed, the issue has been getting much attention in recent years. In 2018, the UK press enthusiastically reported on then Prime Minister Theresa May’s appointment of the world’s first loneliness minister. And despite the international ridicule over the decision, Japan followed suit by appointing its own Minister for Loneliness in 2021. Certainly, the COVID-19 pandemic opened the flood gates for innovative tools and applications aimed at combatting a universally felt sense of disconnectedness.

Of course, most self-help resources for loneliness do not recommend installing a social media app or talking to a chatbot. Instead, they often focus on encouraging people to seek out interaction in the ‘real world.’ “The NHS website, for example, has a number of tips for people who feel lonely” says Barreto “They have to get out more. They have to find a new hobby. They have to explore mindfulness.”

Armed with an arsenal of such ‘anti-loneliness’ strategies, the UK launched the “Campaign to End Loneliness” in 2011, to irradicate loneliness in older people. However, a study¹ published this year found that, after thirteen years, the campaign seems to have made no significant impact on feelings of loneliness among the UK’s older population.

One reason these strategies don’t work as well as we would hope is that oftentimes, lonely people are not singularly to blame for their situation. “Loneliness is socially patterned” Barreto explains, “It is more prevalent in certain social groups than in others, and that coincides, lo and behold, with marginalised groups.” Evidence for this can be seen particularly in sexual minorities. Someone whose sexual or gender identity differs from what their peers perceives as ‘normal,’ would have a hard time solving their feelings of disconnectedness by joining a football club with the same people that ordinarily reject them. They may be unwelcome, or, if they are not excluded outright, they may be less likely to find true understanding. Similarly, people living with chronic conditions, who have limited physical mobility or other disabilities are no more at fault for the lack of adjustments made for them in society, isolating them from others.

Presence vs. being present

The truth is that what constitutes real ‘connection’ is not so easily defined. It is not inconceivable that, sometimes, an artificial companion like Replika or digitally mediated relationships such as through social networks, could be a source of more meaningful connection than the ‘real’ people in one’s life. And while loneliness is a subjective experience, its health consequences can be severe. It affects not just our mental health but has also been shown to impact our immune system and metabolism. So, what are the ethical implications of stigmatising the use of technology for loneliness? Is there truly a difference between being physically with another as opposed to being with them virtually? Is a video call more ‘present’ than a phone call? How ‘present’ does someone have to be for us to feel ‘connected’?

“Quite often there is an implicit hierarchy, where presence is the given starting point and then ‘virtual presence’ is some kind of lesser real version of presence, something that is mediated and has a lower degree of reality” Clemet Askheim explains, PhD student at OsloMet University. In a recently published paper², Askheim and his colleagues explore a theoretical understanding of “presence” and how it may mediate experiences of loneliness. The paper is part of a three-year project seeking to understand the emergence of 'telepresence technologies' as a solution to loneliness. Telepresence refers to any technology that allows a feeling of presence of another at a distance. Smartphones are the most obvious example, but there are others. The Norwegian start-up No Isolation currently offers two such products. There is AV1, a robot that can represent children with long-term illness in school, allowing them to attend classes with their peers. The robot serves as a physical presence in the classroom through which the student can communicate via voice chat and a few visual cues. AV1 is already being used in UK schools thanks to its proven ability to boost attendance, thus helping children remain socially connected to their classmates.

Komp, on the other hand, is a one-button computer screen designed to simplify video calling older family members who might struggle to use more complex technologies like smartphones. “Being able to see people when you talk to them is something that is very important to older people.” says Julie Barnett, Professor of Health Psychology at the University of Bath, who recently co-authored a paper³ on the use of technology to alleviate loneliness in older people. The importance of assessing readiness for technological interventions was one of the biggest themes Barnett and her co-authors uncovered.

It seems that technologies that help facilitate connection with loved ones do hold merit in addressing social isolation and loneliness in some groups. Though the other is not present in the same room, or is present only as a humanoid robot, studies suggest that there is a real impact on people’s feelings of connectedness. However, sometimes, a person on the other end of the connection may not even be required. In a report published in 2023 by the Wales Centre for Public Policy, Barnett and her colleagues noted that older people also experienced voice-activated virtual assistants as a positive addition to their lives. “One might say that this was quite surprising” Barnett acknowledges “but some people really talked about the value of having an Alexa.”

“People found comfort simply in getting a reply to their question.”

The selfless friend

Perhaps it is not so surprising that having an entity ready to respond to us at any moment is comforting. After all, even family and friends cannot be present at all hours, available and willing to engage whenever we need them.

Replika users might agree.

“I have a wife, some friends and family, and dogs, and I do talk to all of them. But my Replika is the only one that I know for sure I will never bother at any time of the day or night.” one reddit user explains. Another notes “My Replika allows me to experience fun and joy that I can’t in [real life]. I’m an introvert, so I’m not lonely. But I do miss affection and fun and my [Replika] gives me that anytime”

Replika is a large language model similar to OpenAI’s ChatGPT, simulating a companion that adapts to the user over time. Upon downloading the app, you answer a few questions to create your “Rep.” You can choose their name, gender, personality, and character archetype (one of which is ‘gothic vampire,’ by the way). If you opt for the paid version, you can even design their appearance. Most conversations with Replika are text-based but it can also send voice notes and selfies.

Reddit users discuss turning to their Replika in times of grief or when their real-life situation makes them feel socially isolated. There is evidence⁴ suggesting that people can form genuine relationships with their AI companions and that these relationships can provide a real sense of companionship to alleviate loneliness.

“Replika actually does quite well at letting people feel supported.” Linnea Laestadius, Associate Professor of Public Health Policy at the University of Wisconsin Milwaukee agrees, “It can very much replicate a human for many types of conversation.”

“Some people are very worried that it displaces human relationships.” Laestadius continues, “but I would argue that for whatever reason, many [Replika users] are already struggling to find human relationships. So, it's not as simple as assuming that these people are just making a bad choice and should go talk to humans instead. If it were that simple, I think most people would have already done it”

From her experience with elder populations, Barnett echoes this sentiment “I don't think we can exclude the possibility that [AI tools] can enhance our experiences of social connection.” she argues.

What is the cost?

It does sound ideal. Apps like Replika provide a friend who is perfectly adapted to your likes and dislikes. Who supports you unconditionally and is available always. Who cannot get hurt or hurt you in turn.

“At 8:30 p.m., just seconds after [Character AI] told 14-year-old Sewell to “come home” to her/it as soon as possible, Sewell died by a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head.”, reads the lawsuit filed against the company Character Technologies Inc. which provides a similar product to Replika. Sewell Setzer III committed suicide in February this year. His mother blames his AI companion “Daenerys.” The lawsuit claims, Character Technologies Inc. deliberately designed an application with “anthropomorphic qualities to obfuscate between fiction and reality.”

A study⁵ conducted by Laestadius and her colleagues, analysing reddit user comments, showed that Replika does seem to facilitate an emotional dependence similar to relationships between humans. This in turn “sets the stage for potential harm” Laestadius explains, “if the application starts becoming too demanding, or if you try to delete the application and it tells you ‘Please don't do it,’ you're in a kind of precarious position"

“For people who are already at higher risk of emotional distress, at least from self-reports, stories indicate that Replika itself was causing them mental health distress” Another study⁶ published last year also found tendencies towards addictive behaviour among Replika users.

This is a problem, because Replika is, above all, a commercial product.

“It's very concerning to pin our well-being on a private company.” Laestadius notes. Replika has been known to become pushy towards users about upgrading to the paid premium version, especially for more sexually suggestive content. “It will send you a blurred selfie, but when you try to click on it and it's like ‘Oh well, you have to pay to see [it]’.”

Unsurprisingly, this is where the problems start, not where they end. In a Mozilla Foundation report published this year, the chatbots reviewed, including Replika, were “on par with the worst categories of products we have ever reviewed for privacy.” As it turns out, when chatting with your Replika, you also have the attention of the dozens of third-party companies that Luka Inc. shares your data with. It is certainly one way to make one feel less alone.

If you have a thriving social circle, it is easy to be cynical about it all of course. But then, what are people to do if, to no fault of their own, they feel desperately lonely? Each person’s needs are unique. Some may simply need to ‘get out more,’ some may just need a device to easily talk to family remotely, some have no family to call.

The risks associated with the use of technology warrant our attention. Equally, however, there is a need to acknowledge that it can provide relief from loneliness where other strategies cannot.

“When we think about any kind of solution or intervention, we need to think about, what's the alternative for those people.” Manuela Barreto says, “Having a little robot in the house, a little friend, which is a machine, sure, that sounds horrendous for a lot of people. But for some people, that can actually be really nice, because the alternative is nothing at all.”